Scroll based parallax web sites are the design equivalent of the exploding fist-bump

I've noticed an explosion of web sites that try to put all of their stuff on a single page, accessible through nothing else than scrolling. Parallax effects, dynamic URL changes as you scroll down, self arranging content based on how much you have scrolled, videos that start and stop based on where they are placed in the viewbox, etc. They're all the rage now, like web versions of pop-up books. And, as anything that pops up at you, they are annoying! I know creativity in the design world means copying the hell out of whoever is more fashionable, but I really really really would want people to stop copying this particular Facebook++ type, all slimy fingers on touchscreens abomination.

Take a look at inc.com, for example. Reading about brain hacking and scrolling down I get right into Momofuku, whatever that is, and self playing videos. It's spam, that's what it is. I am perfectly capable of finding links and clicking (or tapping, whatever the modern equivalent of pressing Enter after a few Tab keys is now) to follow the content I am interested in. What I do NOT want is for crappy design asswipes to shove their idea of interesting content down my throat, eyes, ears or any other body organs. Just quit it!

If you are not convinced, read this article that explains how parallax scrolling web sites have become mainstream and gives two different links that list tens of "best web sites" using this design method. They are all obnoxious, slow to load, eye tiring pieces of crap. Oh look, different parts of the same page move at different speeds! How cool, now I have to scroll up and down just in order to be able to pay attention to them all, even if they are at the same bloody place!

Am I the only one who feels that way? Am I too old to understand what the cool kids like nowadays or is this exactly what I think it is: another graphical gimmick that values form over substance?